Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!

Dear A’Mari,

Tomorrow starts my true introduction into the world of Texas Tech. I go through sexual harassment training, heh. Tomorrow morning from 8-5 we have our Teaching Assistant orientation. I’m not sure what all it entails but its going to be a long day. And apparently cold. Everyone says the lecture hall they hold it in is always freezing so I’m breaking out the old hoodie. I’ve missed it…hah.

Starting Thursday morning I will have my first class at Texas Tech…which is…umm… either Computer Rendering, History of American Scenic Design, or Costume design…one of those…I should know but I don’t just yet. I will though! Classes here are a bit different. They’re all in 50 minute blocks which is very different from the Grad classes in Commerce. I’ll get used to it. I’m really enjoying it here and have met some really nice people in the short time I’ve been around. Is it weird that when I meet someone I think “oh that’s Lubbocks version of so-and-so”? I think it makes me feel more comfortable to relate them to past friends. This year is going to be a lot of hard work and definitely something different from what I’m used to but I’m excited for a change of pace. I’m definitely missing Commerce right now though.

I can’t believe that in a week I’ll be driving my van. I had to re-read that sentence just now and I still couldn’t believe it. I’ve been working on this for about 6 years now and its finally towards the end of the process and I couldn’t be happier. It may sound weird but I honestly believe this is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life so far. I’m very lucky to have this opportunity and am thankful for everyone who has helped me along the way. I definitely gave up a few times because I was getting shut out by a lot of people in state offices not doing their job. Luckily I was introduced to some very amazing individuals this past year who really got the ball rolling on this whole process. It’s going to be a sort of freedom I’ve never experienced before. People take for granted a lot of things in their life and fail to realize that there are others out there who won’t get those same experiences. I know I’m one of the lucky few who have received the funding that has made it possible for me to get this vehicle modified. All $120,000 worth! I can’t help but think how different my life is going to be after this next week. I also can’t help but think how different my life would have been if I would have gotten a vehicle 6 years ago. Funny how things work sometimes. But it all happens for one reason or another. The fact that I’ll be able to go somewhere, anywhere I want, alone for the first time is still something I can’t wrap my mind around. Most of all I’m excited that I won’t have to have anymore awkward drive thru experiences. They get confused when you drive up in a wheelchair.

We’re both about to be in the busiest semesters of our lives and this definitely scares me a bit. I’m going to call/text you all of the time, probably more than I should, so be aware. The biggest strain on me right now is knowing I won’t be seeing you everyday. I got spoiled these past few years. I have a feeling that even though this will be a tough year for the both of us it’s going to be one of the most beneficial experiences we’ve had. You’re working on two amazing shows and you’ll be graduating soon. I’m in a new place, out of my comfort zone, and will be challenged more than I ever have. Growing up sucks but it’s comforting to know I’ll always have you. No matter how far away from each other we are. We always have each other, that’s for sure.

I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately. But know that whatever you decide is best for you I’ll back you up 100%. You’re the one that knows what’s best for you and you’re the one that knows what will make you happy. People like you and me are people pleasers. We do a lot of what others want us to do because we want everyone to be happy. The thing is that in doing that we forget what makes us happy. That’s all you need to think about when figuring out any of the questions you have weighing on your mind right now. What’s going to make you happiest? Something I’ve always told myself is that I don’t want to be that person who 20 years from now says “Man, I wish I would have done that when I had the chance.” The wise Ms. Frizzle once said “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!” You’ll find your way to where you’re meant to be. And you’ll have a great time getting there.

Moment of Honesty:

I’m a little sleepy so if none of this blog has made any sense or it seems more rambly than usual, I apologize 🙂 hehe. There is something about you, as a person, that makes you an extremely special and unique individual. It’s everything about you and there is not one other person like you. Not everyone can see it but I know I can. I saw it the from the moment we met waaaaaaaay back when. Someone like you deserves the very best and shouldn’t settle for anything else. If there are people out there that don’t realize how awesome of a person you really are they don’t deserve you in their life. It’s a sad fact that not everyone can see it. They don’t know what they’re missing out on. You’ll find what you’re looking for…or better yet it’ll find you when you least expect it. Keep an open mind and an open heart and you never know what you’ll discover.

Fuzzy Memory:

During our “talks” in High School we’d occasionally “predict the future.” We’d take a shot in the dark about what life would be like in a matter of years. I can tell you this much…I never thought it’d be like this. Since then a lot of very unexpected things have happened to the both of us. Some good, some bad, some we don’t even want to think about. Somehow everything seems to be turning out just fine though. It’s funny how life doesn’t always work out the way we had planned. But, one way or another life works out whether we had planned it or not. We were really deep thinkers for high schoolers.

Love,

Mattie

“What would Carrie Klypchak Do?”

Dear A’Mari,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xCmNcjymQo

Above you’ll find a video highlighting the events of the move from east to west Texas. Thanks to Ryan for editing the video and making it look all pretty and such!

I really wish I had the honor of having you be my carhop at Sonic. I feel really bad I missed out on that. You really seemed to have a lot of fun and I loved hearing about the random happenings behind the scenes at Seven Points Sonic. I’m going to need a photo of you in your full Sonic attire. Pigtails, skates, and all. I’m very proud of you for working your butt off this summer and for trying something new. I want to be a carhop just like you! Though…I’m not sure if I could fit between the menu and cars to give people their food. And if I were to accidentally run into another carhop skating around I’d probably severely injure them. I’ll just let you handle the carhoppyness. You’re Sonic planking photo is my favorite photo ever.

It’s weird to think that I’m not going to be in Commerce this upcoming year for school. Five years of the same route to the theatre, the same building, the same teachers, and the same friends. I know I’ll get along just fine here. There are a lot of similarities between the Texas Tech theatre and the one at TAMU-C. The spaces are pretty similar and the Professors are really welcoming and friendly. Though I know I’m going to miss the hell out of Carrie and M. Knight. I’m very thankful they’ve prepared me for this new chapter in my life. I’d definitely be no where near as knowledgeable about theatre without them pushing me to do my best all of these years. I still have so much to learn but I know that I’ll be just fine if I keep asking myself “What would Carrie Klypchak Do?” and channel M. Knights’ aura of cool.

Colorado is going to be awesome. I’m already scheduling things around it just to make sure I can come see it a couple of times…heh. I can’t wait to find out who is added to the cast. We are starting the year off with Urinetown and Our Town. I’d love to be in Our Town again but I think I’m going to take this semester easy and not get too heavily involved with shows until I get acclimated to the theatre and the work load. I’ll be teaching Cinema Studies with a few other TA’s. The class has a total of 900 students in it! Insane! I’m really looking forward to getting back to work though. The campus is amazing and college football season is right around the corner. Please don’t think less of me if you see me shirtless on ESPN with a big Texas Tech logo painted on my chest and my chair decked out to look like a horse.

Seven year old you and Nine year old me would have gotten along just fine.

Moment of Honesty:

There is a part of me that wonders if I made the right choice in leaving TAMU-C, the theatre, the professors, and you. That was such an amazing time in my life and I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s going to be like not going back. I’m horrible at making new friends (though people disagree) and I am extremely shy around new people so it worries me that I won’t be as comfortable here I as I was there. I knew every single person in that building and every one meant something to me. It’s weird to imagine that I won’t be on that stage anymore, that I won’t be able to come bother you and Denise in the box office, and that I won’t get the amazing feeling of making Carrie Klypchak proud of my designs for her shows. I know that change is necessary and that stepping out of your comfort zone will test you and make you stronger. But it’s hard to leave a place you’ve known as home and the people you’ve shared so many ups and downs with. If I show up randomly and hang around the building just act natural…heh. I may even surprise you with a Dr. Pepper from Sonic like I always did.

Fuzzy Memory:

You and I were sitting on the mainstage and you were fiddling around on the piano. You had me show you a couple chord shapes and then you were playing like an old pro. I was amazed that you picked it up so quickly. You started singing and playing Jonas Bros and other songs from Disney channel prodigies. I could have sat there all day and listened. I remember buying you that little guitar for your birthday and your face as you opened it up in my living room at New Pride. You had wanted a little guitar for a while and I had finally found one that was “A’Mari sized.” Within a week of playing around on it you were already further along than I was a year after starting to play guitar. Keep it up. I want to hear more music from you. 🙂

Love,

Mattie

I’m officially a Lubbockian…Lubbockite…Lubbo… I live in Lubbock.

Dear A’Mari,

I’ve made it to Lubbock! This past Saturday to be exact. I’ve fallen behind on my blogging duties and I am finally getting an opportunity to sit down (haha) and relax a bit.

The trip wasn’t too bad, nor really too very long. It took a bit longer than we had expected because we were hauling all of our junk in a big Uhaul with a tiny truck. We have a plethora of video footage from the trek from Commerce to Lubbock and will be putting together a mini “documentary” of sorts highlighting the events of our travel. I’m excited to get that finished for you. 🙂 I also have a tour of our humble abode that I plan on videoing upon us finishing unpacking all of our, as previously said, junk. Mucho videos coming your way esse’.

Lubbock is nothing like I had originally imagined. There’s actually some grass and trees! Its a pretty awesome place so far from what I’ve seen and our new place is pretty epic if I do say so myself. It was really scary moving into a place, and city, with never having seen it. The house is super accessible and the landlords are really nice and very accommodating. This is without a doubt the most accessible home I’ve lived in, which is very exciting. By the end of my stay I’m sure I’ll still have put a few holes in the wall with my chair…but that’s pretty inevitable. The amount of space we have is ridiculous. Everything that we had packed in the apartment in Commerce barely takes up any room here. We are going to need more stuff. Lots o’ stuff. The majority of the place is decked out with musical instruments…which isn’t necessarily a terrible thing 😉

I MISS THE HELL OUT OF YOU.

It’s super weird not being able to call you up and tell you to get your butt down here to see me. I already miss you lounging around my apartment for hours talking about anything and everything all night until we are so tiredly honest with each other that nothing is off limits. I miss having you ride on my chair down the street to McDonalds for some crack tea and chicken sandwiches. I miss sitting outside of your door trying to say our final goodnights but then coming up with another conversation topic that keeps us sitting there for another hour. I miss you. Us. But I know things will get better. This blog is definitely helping. I’ve already gone back and read all of the old posts that have led us up to the move. Now that I’m here and your waaaaaaaaaay over there (I’m pointing Eastward) it just seems a bit surreal. Dream like. I’m going to wake up and we’ll be passed out on the stage staring at the ceiling talking about how we don’t want to imagine life without the other. I know all of that sounds all very dramatic being that it’s only been two days since I’ve left but I know all of that will be a lingering feeling for quite a while. I’m okay with that though. I like missing you because it’ll make it all the better when I get to see you again.

I can’t wait to show you around this place and take you to the Chick Fil A that is ON CAMPUS, wooo! Hehe. I also can’t wait to come back to Commerce and see all the hard work you’ve put into the shows you have coming up. It’s going to be amazing and worth every mile of the trip back and forth. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

Things are a bit rough for the both of us in quite a few ways but I know that no matter how bad it gets I always have you to turn to. Whether its a text message, a phone call, or a blog I know you’re always there to say the right thing to keep me going. Life goes a bit to fast and hard sometimes. It’s not the easiest thing at all to keep up with. You just have to know that everything happens for a reason. Somehow it’s all going to work out. Being scared is perfectly fine, its natural. But you always have to have it in the back of your mind that everything is going to be just fine. Anytime I doubt that I think of everything we’ve been through. I think anyone else would have given up a long time ago with some of the stuff thats happened between us. We always seem to salvage what we can and move on even stronger friends. It’s a truly wonderful thing and something I am very thankful for.

I still remember telling you goodbye while sitting out by your car last week. It’s forever imprinted in my memory as one of the strangest and most difficult things I’ve had to do. I never thought we’d be away from each other like this. You were always there, just a couple stories above my place in your room adorned with Audrey Hepburn pictures and theatre memorabilia. It’s going to be hard to get used to. But always know that you own quite a big piece of real estate on my heart. Distances can grow between, people will change, and time will pass. But the one constant thing I know that will hold strong is you and I, no matter what.

Moment of Honesty/Fuzzy Memory:

You’re the only person I’ve ever written a song about. Actually, you’re the topic of the only song I’ve ever actually written on my own. Feel special. I wrote it way back in the day while you were visiting family in the Boston area. Every night you’d call and tell me about your adventures with Aunt Linda and give me your best Bostonian impersonation, which was very good I might add. We’d talk until our faces hurt from laughing or until we realized it was 5 am. Heh. I’m hoping to write some more songs soon and record them. But I highly doubt I’ll like any of them more than that one. “Late night conversations. Hanging on every word. I could stay up all night and never say goodbye. This phone keeps me closer, to where I want to be. I know it’s a matter of time til we both fall asleep.”

Love,

Mattie